KEEP LOVING HIM ... FOR YOUR SAKE

I attended a family gathering lately, and it was fun to see my old relatives still together - wrinkly, grey, saggy but so much happy. It was so amazing looking at them together as they try to do just about everything to win in the couple games for the party. In the midst of the laughter, embraces and fun, I got the chance to chat to one of my aunts. She started to talk about those days when she and my uncle were still starting a family.


"You witnessed how I had to do all the chores at home and took care of our four children at the same time", she started. "There were times that I cried because I was so tired and I can't ask your uncle to help me at home. He is truly a responsible and efficient office worker but ohhhhh not at home. Definitely not a help at home." My aunt kept on reminiscing those times in between laughs. Their relationship is not flawless but having the better of each other made them stick together. In their senior years, they are still very happy, traveling to so many places, now that their kids have successful lives of their own.

 Some might argue that time has already changed. So many people live apart and it is already normal nowadays - rising number of broken families, single dads and single moms. Most people breaking up would usually keep their pride and say "he doesn't deserve me." However, though many might disagree, breaking up with him is way more painful than persevering his naughty character. Leaving him right after knowing that he just had so many girlfriends in his life besides you might be the first impulse you jump into, but admit it, it is quite devastating also on your part.

So instead of going through the pain and all, persevere, and understand a little bit more until it doesn't hurt anymore. I was confiding to a good friend a few years ago. I complained about my partner. Then I was deciding at that time to leave him. My friend replied, "Give him another chance.... for your sake." My friend knew how much I loved my partner. And she knew that my life will be ruined without him. So I did, I tried to stick up with him with so many downs than ups.

I persevered when he started to make excuses of not being around or out of touch. He would just say, "I don't know but suddenly the network does not allow my call to you anymore. I stopped asking why he can't talk to me and I just say OK when he says he is just so busy with a lot of things in life. Once he told me to fight for our love in times when he is lured by other women. When I did, he just called me drama factory.

I stopped talking much when he started telling me he doesn't read my messages because they were too long. I also tried to fit in and sent one or two word answers (just to make sure he isn't annoyed).

I never did insist on celebrating anniversaries anymore after he said it was just a day. And those times he doesn't even remember calling to greet me on my birthday. I also stopped greeting him on any other occasion just to show him I understood that nothing is special anyway.

He seldom said 'I love you' and so I need to limit mine too. I don't really want to cause any argument. There are so many incidents that would tell me, he already fell out of love. 

courtesy of Bonobology

Those times, I never stopped asking him nicely to let me go. 

I made it in the gentlest way I could think of. I explained why we should set each other free and every time he would say he loves me very much. Every time I got hurt with  a lot of things he did but the hurt gets less and less painful. Until comes the time that he never called, and I just thought he is already totally gone from my life.

So, instead of feeling so much hurt by breaking up, regardless on who dumped who, try to persevere. Others might say that it is a complete waste of time to be with this kind of partner. Some might say, ladies having this principle in life are martyrs and there are no such people in the recent millennium. When you truly love someone, it is definitely hard to let go. I will consider it a miracle if he changes his heart and will be very grateful but I will be okay if doesn't. Keep loving him for your sake, and as you go through all of his signs of fading away, learn to be stronger, and think about yourself. That time will come when he will be gone, and you can smile and say "Welcome back" to yourself. Then you don't need to blame yourself of not doing your best to keep him - you don't need to be guilty of not loving enough.

courtesy of ArtStation